Let me set the scene: It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon, and I’m lounging on my couch in the midst of a Netflix binge. My phone pings, and I reluctantly glance at the screen. It’s a message from an old coworker, someone I haven’t talked to in ages. “Hey Rita! Long time no chat! You should come to our family barbecue today. It’ll be so much fun!”
The anxiety sets in immediately. My brain goes into overdrive: What do I say? How do I politely decline without sounding like a jerk? What if they don’t understand?
Welcome to my life, folks. Trying to navigate the minefield of well-meaning people and their “helpful” suggestions when you’re dealing with mental health issues can be a nightmare. But fear not, because I’ve got some tips and snarky responses up my sleeve to help you set those boundaries and keep your sanity intact.
Setting Boundaries Like a Pro
Setting boundaries is crucial when you’re dealing with mental health issues. It’s not about being rude; it’s about taking care of yourself. Here are some tips to help you establish those boundaries without feeling like a complete asshole.
1. Be Honest, but Firm
You don’t have to go into detail about your mental health struggles if you don’t want to. A simple, honest response is enough. Try something like, “I’m not feeling up to socializing today. Thanks for understanding.” It’s straightforward and gets the point across without over-explaining.
2. Use “I” Statements
Using “I” statements helps to avoid sounding accusatory or defensive. For example, “I need some alone time to recharge” or “I’m not in a good place to hang out right now” shifts the focus to your needs without making the other person feel blamed or guilty.
3. Offer Alternatives
If you feel up to it, offering an alternative can soften the blow. “I can’t make it to the barbecue, but let’s catch up over coffee next week.” This shows that you still value the relationship, even if you can’t be there in the moment.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Remember that it’s okay to put yourself first. Setting boundaries is an act of self-care, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Remind yourself that you deserve to take care of your mental health, even if it means saying no to others.
Snarky Responses to Unhelpful Advice
Now, let’s get to the fun part: snarky comebacks for those well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful pieces of advice. Because sometimes, you just need to let off some steam.
1. “Just Think Positive!”
Oh, wow. Why didn’t I think of that? Because nothing cures depression like a forced smile and relentless optimism. Next time someone throws this gem your way, try responding with, “Great idea! I’ll think positively about you minding your own business.”
2. “You Just Need to Get Out More.”
Ah yes, the cure-all for mental health issues: fresh air and socializing. If only it were that simple. A snarky yet polite response could be, “Sure, let’s switch brains for a day and see how well that works out.”
3. “Have You Tried Yoga/Meditation/Essential Oils?”
Because a few stretches and some lavender oil will magically fix everything, right? How about this for a reply: “Oh, I didn’t realize you had a PhD in mental health. Tell me more about these groundbreaking discoveries.”
4. “Other People Have It Worse.”
Comparing pain and struggles is always a hit, isn’t it? Try this: “Wow, thank you for that perspective. I guess my feelings are invalid then. You should write a self-help book.”
5. “You’re Overreacting.”
There’s nothing like being told your emotions are exaggerated to really help with anxiety. Respond with, “And you’re underreacting to how little I care about your opinion.”
Rita’s Survival Guide for Dealing with Well-Meaning People
Here’s my no-bullshit guide to surviving encounters with well-meaning friends and family who just don’t get it.
1. Create a Script
Having a go-to script can help you feel more prepared and less anxious about setting boundaries. Write down a few responses you feel comfortable using and practice them until they feel natural. It’s like having a mental armor ready to deploy when needed.
2. Limit Exposure
It’s okay to limit your interactions with people who don’t respect your boundaries or who constantly offer unhelpful advice. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand and respect your needs.
3. Communicate Your Needs
Sometimes, people genuinely don’t understand what you’re going through. If you feel comfortable, try educating them about your mental health. Explain why certain comments or suggestions aren’t helpful and what they can do instead to support you.
4. Lean on Your Support System
Identify the people in your life who truly understand and support you. Lean on them when you need to vent or when you need reassurance that you’re not being unreasonable by setting boundaries.
5. Self-Care is Key
Make self-care a priority. Whether it’s taking a long bath, reading a good book, or simply sitting in silence with a cup of tea, do what you need to recharge and take care of your mental health.
6. Seek Professional Help
If dealing with well-meaning people is taking a toll on your mental health, consider talking to a therapist. They can provide you with tools and strategies to handle these situations more effectively.
The Last Word
Dealing with well-meaning but ultimately clueless people when you’re struggling with mental health issues can be draining. But remember, you have every right to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself.
And to those well-meaning folks out there: If you truly want to help, listen without judgment, offer support without unsolicited advice, and respect the boundaries set by your friends and family. Sometimes, the best way to help is simply to be there and let them know they’re not alone.
Until next time, take care of yourselves and don’t be afraid to tell someone to fuck off (politely, of course) when you’re not feeling it.
~ Rita 🖤