Alright, kitchen novices and takeout aficionados, gather ’round. You’ve been living the dream of ordering food in and pretending your kitchen isn’t a black hole of culinary incompetence. But here’s the thing—sometimes, even the most dedicated couch potato needs to pretend they’ve got their shit together. So, grab your apron (or just a tea towel, because who are we kidding?), and let’s dive into the world of cooking for those who think making toast is a major achievement.
1. The “I Only Have 10 Minutes” Taco Night
So, you’ve got a busy schedule and an even busier social life (or maybe you’re just too lazy to move). Tacos are the answer. They’re quick, they’re easy, and they don’t require a culinary degree. Plus, they’re so versatile you can make them as healthy or as “I’m clearly a college student” as you want.
Ingredients:
- Pre-cooked taco meat (or a can of beans if you’re feeling super lazy)
- Taco seasoning (because you’re not blending your own spices, right?)
- Taco shells or tortillas (store-bought because you’re not baking these yourself)
- Toppings: cheese, lettuce, salsa, or whatever’s in your fridge
Instructions:
- Heat the taco meat according to the package instructions. Yes, it’s that easy.
- Mix in the taco seasoning. No need to reinvent the wheel.
- Load up your taco shells with meat and toppings. Try not to make a mess. Or do—it’s your kitchen.
2. The “I Can’t Cook” Stir-Fry
Let’s be real, stir-fry is the cooking equivalent of cheating. You throw stuff in a pan, and if you don’t burn it, you’ve done a great job. Grab some pre-cut veggies, your favorite protein (yes, frozen chicken or tofu counts), and some stir-fry sauce. If you can’t handle this, then you might need to reconsider your kitchen skills.
Ingredients:
- Pre-cut stir-fry veggies (because you’re not chopping onions with tears streaming down your face)
- Frozen chicken or tofu (the easy route)
- Stir-fry sauce (store-bought, because who has time to make their own?)
Instructions:
- Heat a pan over medium-high heat.
- Toss in the veggies and protein. Cook until everything’s heated through.
- Add the stir-fry sauce and give it a good stir. Serve over rice or noodles, and pretend you’re a chef.
3. The “Dinner for One” Pasta
Pasta is like the easiest possible meal you can make without needing a tutorial. Grab some pasta, a jar of sauce, and some cheese if you’ve got it. No one needs to know that you’re cooking for yourself because let’s face it, who really needs company when you’ve got carbs?
Ingredients:
- Pasta (any shape, because you’re not hosting a dinner party)
- Jarred pasta sauce (homemade sauce is for people who have their lives together)
- Cheese (optional, but encouraged if you’re trying to impress yourself)
Instructions:
- Boil pasta according to package directions. Don’t overthink it.
- Heat the sauce in a separate pan. Mix with the pasta.
- Add cheese if you’ve got it. Stir and serve. Enjoy your solo feast.
4. The “I Give Up” Soup
Soup is a godsend for anyone who can’t be bothered to cook. Grab a can of soup, heat it up, and if you’re feeling fancy, throw in some crackers or a sprinkle of cheese. If anyone questions your cooking prowess, just tell them you’re keeping it simple.
Ingredients:
- Canned soup (the unsung hero of the kitchen)
- Crackers or cheese (for a touch of class)
Instructions:
- Heat the soup in a pot. Don’t just microwave it—you’re better than that.
- Add crackers or cheese if you’re feeling like a Michelin-star chef.
- Serve and bask in the glory of your culinary minimalism.
5. The “Why Bother” Breakfast-for-Dinner
Why limit breakfast to just the morning? Breakfast-for-dinner is a staple of lazy cooking. Grab some eggs, toast, and maybe some bacon if you’re feeling wild. It’s breakfast, it’s dinner, and it’s totally acceptable to eat at any time of day.
Ingredients:
- Eggs (however many you want to scramble, fry, or poach)
- Bread (for toasting, obviously)
- Bacon or sausage (if you’re feeling like a breakfast hero)
Instructions:
- Cook the bacon or sausage if you’re using it. Make sure it’s crispy but not burnt.
- Toast the bread. Keep it simple.
- Cook the eggs however you like them. Serve it all together. Dinner is done.
Final Thoughts
Congratulations, you’re officially a kitchen newbie who doesn’t rely solely on takeout. These recipes are simple, quick, and won’t make you question your life choices. No need for fancy ingredients or complex techniques—just basic, no-fuss meals that’ll get you through the week without setting off the smoke alarm.
So, if you’re tired of ordering in and want to look like you’ve got your life somewhat together, give these recipes a shot. Or don’t—it’s not like anyone’s going to judge you for sticking with pizza.
Stay snarky and keep it simple,
~ Rita 🖤