Oh, dalgona coffee—that whipped coffee trend that had everyone and their grandma scrambling for instant coffee packets at the start of the pandemic. You remember it, right? That frothy, sugary concoction that somehow became the pinnacle of quarantine cuisine. Let me just say, it’s a whole lot of fuss for something that tastes like a slightly fancier version of the instant coffee you’d drink in desperation on a Monday morning when your soul is as empty as your cup.
Look, I get it—people were bored out of their minds, stuck at home, and looking for anything to break up the monotony. So, suddenly, whipping up a frothy, sugary coffee concoction became the highlight of everyone’s day. Because what could be more fun than standing in your kitchen, whisking instant coffee and sugar together until your arm feels like it’s about to fall off?
Spoiler alert: literally anything else.
But let’s get fucking real here: it’s basically a sugar rush disguised as a coffee treat, and the amount of time and arm strength it takes to whip that shit up just doesn’t feel worth it. We’re talking several minutes of vigorous whisking, all for what? A cup of coffee that looks Instagrammable for about 30 seconds before it turns into a sad, deflated mess. Not to mention, by the time you’re done, you’re already so exhausted that you need the caffeine just to recover from making the damn thing.
And can we talk about the mess? Unless you’ve got the arm of a barista and the patience of a saint, you’re probably going to end up with a sticky counter, a sore arm, and a cup of froth that deflates faster than your enthusiasm for the whole endeavor. That’s right—say hello to coffee splatters, sugar granules everywhere, and a kitchen that looks like a toddler had a field day with a mixer. Sure, it looks great on Instagram with all those layers, but once you stir it together, you’re left with a drink that’s basically 90% sugar, 10% caffeine, and 100% disappointment.
And can we talk about the taste? Everyone acted like this was the coffee equivalent of ambrosia, but let’s be honest—it’s a glorified sugar bomb. Yeah, it’s sweet, it’s creamy, but where’s the coffee? If I wanted a sugar high, I’d eat a damn donut, not spend half my morning whipping instant coffee into submission. Plus, after all that effort, you end up with a drink that’s somehow both too sweet and not caffeinated enough to justify the effort.
So, yeah, if you’re into sugar highs and impressing your followers with a picture-perfect coffee that tastes like a sweet cloud of meh, go ahead and whip up some dalgona. You do you. But if you’re like me and you just want your caffeine fix without the theatrics, I’ll stick with my regular, no-nonsense cup of coffee, thanks. I don’t need to break a sweat or redecorate my kitchen in the process of getting my morning buzz.
Stay snarky,
~ Rita 🖤