Ah, anxiety. The uninvited guest who shows up to every party, ruins the fun, and refuses to leave even after you’ve subtly hinted that it’s time to go. If anxiety were a person, it’d be that one friend who turns up unannounced, eats all your snacks, and then lectures you about your life choices. Yeah, we all know someone like that, and for me, that’s anxiety.
A Trip Down Memory Lane
Let’s take a little trip down memory lane to illustrate this point. Picture me, a snarky, slightly rebellious teen trying to navigate the hormonal hellscape that was high school. One fine day, during a math test of all things, I experienced my first full-blown panic attack. I’m talking sweaty palms, racing heart, and the overwhelming urge to run out of the room screaming. It was like my body decided to throw a rave without my permission. Thanks, anxiety. You’re a real gem.
I somehow survived that ordeal, but it was just the beginning. From that point on, anxiety decided to become my shadow, following me everywhere and making sure I never forgot it was there. Trying to make friends? Anxiety had opinions. Starting a new job? Anxiety had to weigh in. Just trying to exist? Yep, anxiety had a say in that too.
My Unwanted Sidekick
In college, anxiety really hit its stride. I remember a particularly dreadful presentation I had to give in my professional practice class. Now, you’d think a class based on getting us ready to communicate well would be, I don’t know, communicative? Nope. It was a breeding ground for my anxiety to thrive. I stood in front of the class, my voice shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, and proceeded to stumble through my slides. Meanwhile, my brain was screaming, “Everyone’s judging you! They think you’re an idiot!” Spoiler alert: They probably weren’t, but anxiety loves a good dramatization.
But here’s the thing about anxiety – it’s not just a one-time, event-based ordeal. Oh no, it’s a 24/7, relentless mind game. You’re never really “off the clock.” Even during downtime, it’s there, lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce the moment you let your guard down. It’s like living with an overzealous alarm system that goes off every time a leaf falls outside your window.
The Battle with Everyday Tasks
Let’s talk about the mundane, everyday tasks that anxiety loves to complicate. For instance, making a simple phone call. To most people, it’s a minor inconvenience at best. For me, it’s a full-blown battle. I have to psych myself up, rehearse what I’m going to say, and then pray I don’t sound like a complete idiot when the person on the other end picks up. It’s a phone call, for crying out loud! But anxiety doesn’t care. It’ll turn it into a life-or-death scenario because why not?
The Social Scene
Social interactions? Don’t even get me started. Meeting new people is a minefield. My brain goes into overdrive, analyzing every word, every gesture. Did I say something stupid? Are they judging me? Should I have worn different shoes? It’s exhausting. I remember one particular incident at a friend’s party where I spent the entire evening in the bathroom, pretending to fix my makeup because the thought of mingling with strangers was too much to handle. I mean, seriously, who does that?
Embracing the Chaos
Despite all this, I’ve learned to embrace the chaos that is my anxiety. It’s a part of me, albeit a part I’d happily trade for literally anything else. Over the years, I’ve picked up a few tricks to manage it. Therapy, for one, has been a game-changer. My therapist is like my anxiety whisperer, helping me navigate the stormy seas of my mind. And then there’s mindfulness – the one thing I never thought I’d buy into but now can’t live without. Breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and all that jazz. It sounds hokey, but it works.
Finding Humor in the Darkness
Humor has also been a lifesaver. Making fun of my anxiety, turning it into a joke, has taken away some of its power. Like that time I had a panic attack in a supermarket because I couldn’t decide which brand of cereal to buy. Instead of spiraling, I laughed at the absurdity of the situation. I mean, really? Cereal? Come on, brain, get it together.
Self-Care Isn’t All Bubble Baths and Candles
Another thing I’ve learned is that self-care isn’t just about bubble baths and candles, though those are nice too. It’s about setting boundaries, saying no when you need to, and not beating yourself up for not being perfect. For me, self-care is a mix of binge-watching Netflix, sketching, and hanging out with my two black cats, who, by the way, are anxiety-relief ninjas.
Meet the Feline Therapists
Speaking of my cats, let me ramble about Midnight and Shadow. These two furry little mischief-makers have done more for my mental health than I ever thought possible. On bad days, they’re my comfort blankets, purring away my worries. On good days, they’re my partners in crime, knocking over water glasses and chasing imaginary enemies. There’s something incredibly calming about a cat’s purr – it’s like nature’s very own anxiety remedy.
Navigating Family Dynamics
Family gatherings are another anxiety hotspot. My family and I aren’t super close, so these events are more stressful than they are enjoyable. I remember one Thanksgiving where I spent most of the day dodging well-meaning but intrusive questions about my life. “Why aren’t you married yet?” “When are you having kids?” Oh, the joys of family. I’ve learned to set boundaries, politely (and sometimes not so politely) telling people to mind their own business. It’s liberating, to say the least.
The Love-Hate Relationship
So, where does the love come in, you ask? Well, it’s a stretch, but if I had to find a silver lining, it’s that anxiety has made me more empathetic. I understand what it’s like to struggle, to fight battles that no one else can see. It’s made me more compassionate, more patient with others. And in a weird, twisted way, it’s made me stronger. Every day that I get up and face the world despite my anxiety is a small victory.
Finding My Voice
Writing has also been a therapeutic outlet for me. This blog, for instance, has given me a platform to vent, to share my experiences, and to connect with others who might be going through the same thing. There’s something incredibly validating about putting your thoughts into words and having others say, “Hey, I feel that way too.” It’s a reminder that we’re not alone in this.
Coping Mechanisms: The Good, the Bad, and the WTF
Over the years, I’ve tried a plethora of coping mechanisms, some more successful than others. Here are a few that have stuck:
- Therapy: As mentioned earlier, therapy has been a game-changer. Finding the right therapist is key – someone who gets you and doesn’t just nod along and prescribe meds.
- Mindfulness and Meditation: I was skeptical at first, but these practices have helped me stay grounded. It’s all about finding a routine that works for you.
- Exercise: This one’s a cliché, but it’s true. Physical activity releases endorphins, which are basically your brain’s happy pills.
- Creative Outlets: Whether it’s drawing, writing, or even just doodling, having a creative outlet can be incredibly therapeutic.
- Humor: Laughing at the absurdity of my anxiety has been a lifesaver. It takes the edge off and makes it seem less daunting.
The Road Ahead
While anxiety and I will likely never be best friends, I’m starting to learn to coexist with it. Some days are better than others, and that’s okay. It’s a journey, not a destination. If you’re struggling with anxiety, know that you’re not alone. There’s a whole community of us out here, navigating this roller coaster together. And remember, it’s okay to seek help, to set boundaries, and to prioritize your mental health.
So, here’s to all of us riding the anxiety roller coaster. It’s a wild ride, but we’re in this together. And if you ever need a laugh, just remember – at least you didn’t have a panic attack over cereal.
~ Rita 🖤